All You'll Want Is Me
by HesOnlyRadical
Summary: Tegan wakes up one day to find that everything she knows could be a lie. Will Sara help her figure everything out or will she make everything worse? TRIGGER WARNING! Quincest. Twincest. Incest. Don't like it, don't read it.
1. Reality?

This is my first attempt at one of these. I hope you like it. If not I will not continue it. I'm not much of a writer, but this seemed good enough. If you do like it please review and follow. Also if I get enough feedback and decide to continue, should I continue with a Sara P.O.V. and a Tegan P.O.V.?

Please Review and follow!

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_What the fuck, where am I? What happened? _I try to lift my head to look around but I am met with utter darkness._ Why can't I see around me? Why is my head so heavy? Why do I feel so dizzy?_ I can feel a slight breeze._ What the fuck, am I naked?_ I attempt to move my arms but they seem to be pinned above me._ Why can't I move my arms? _I try moving my legs and when I do I notice that they are spread apart and I can't move them much. I realize that I am laying on a bed. _Oh fuck, no no no! _I start thrashing with all the strength I can muster in my dazed state. That's when I hear it, the clinking of my shackles. I start crying, sobbing rather. _This isn't good, this isn't good! _Through the sobs that are racking my chained form, I make out another sound, the creaking of a door and light footsteps. _Oh shit this is it I'm going to die. _Before I know what else to think the mask is ripped off my face and I am blinded by light.

"Shut up! Stop crying. You asked for this! Stop being such a baby!" Comes a raspy voice that I faintly recognize in my drugged state.

I stop sobbing so loudly. My eyes slowly adjust to the light; I take in the scene before me. I am naked bound to a bed my and body makes an X shape. My attacker is naked as well only wearing a mask and she stands off the edge of the bed. Through the silent tears that are still washing down my face I watch as my attacker circles the bed, her eyes never leaving my body as she looks at me like I am a piece of meat. She stops at the foot of the bed and lightly touches my foot, and I jump. She trails her hand up my leg as she continues walking around me. I can't help but notice she has soft hands and that her body is gorgeous, in a different circumstance I can't help but to think that I would get _turned on_?

"Why so jumpy? I'm not going to hurt you….much. It all depends on how much you cooperate." Her voice drips with lust, it scares me more than this situation. _Something about her is familiar but what is it?_

I gathered as much courage as I can. "What are you g…g…going t..t..to do to me?" I whimper out. She continues running her hand lightly up my leg, past my trimmed curly mound and onto my stomach as she continues walking around the bed. Her hand reaches my right breast and she squeezes it hard. I try in vain to shake her grasp on me, but I don't have any luck. _What the fuck, you're going down without a fight?_

"Oh, I think you can figure that out. Even you aren't that stupid Tegan," she climbs onto the edge of the bed keeping her hand on my breast and leans down putting her face in mine and making direct eye contact and whispers, "but I'm gonna fuck you until you scream." I can't help but notice she has the most amazing hazel eyes, not so much unlike my own. Her breath ghost's across my lips. _I wonder what her lips would feel like on mine? Wait, no! I shouldn't be thinking like this!_

"Who the fuck are you?" I spit at her the tears still silently running down my cheek as I still thrash around trying to shake her hand off me. She brings the hand that had the vice grip on my breast up and strikes my face, surely leaving a red mark for in the morning. _Oh fuck, will I even make it to the morning?_

"That doesn't matter," she snaps, "you want this and me. I'm going to force you to realize it." She crashes her face into mine forcing her tongue into my mouth. I have the urge to bite it, but I don't. _Why is this turning me on, why am I not fighting this?_

As if she read my mind, she pulls away dragging her teeth across my bottom lip and I shake. "No more talking," she forcefully states, "or I'll be forced to gag you and I'd rather be able to enjoy your lips. Also I highly suggest that you don't fight me, I have the advantage and there is nothing you can do to stop me, besides you'll need your strength. But if you do fight, I will punish you. Understand?" Her eyes are full of lust and something else flickers in across them momentarily, sympathy. _Sympathy? Does she feel sorry for doing this? Why is she doing this? _I nod my head slowly and stop trying to get free. "Good."

With that she moves to straddle my body, her breasts sway with her movements and her eyes never leave mine. She then moves herself between my legs and sits on her knees. I can feel the heat rushing to my core. _God she's beautiful, why can't I have a girl like this in my life? Her breasts are literally the definition of perfection, I just want to take them and squeeze them then take them into my mouth and suck on them. The rest of her body looks like those that only models have. I can see it now, her underneath me her breathing heavy and ragged all hot and bothered by me. Oh, the things I would do to this girl! I bet her face is gorgeous, with a voice like that she would have to be beautiful! No Tegan, what are you thinking? You're tied to a bed, you've apparently been drugged and this person is about to rape you. But she's beautiful! It doesn't matter you're about to be raped!_

I'm pulled from the silent battle inside my mind when I feel her nails digging into sides as she drags them across my skin. I wince, and she smiles. She repeats her actions each finger leaves a burning sensation in its quake. My breathing is becoming ragged and I'm craving her touch, but I will never admit it.

"You like that." She states with an evil smirk.

I open my mouth to speak and to protest but, she eyes me, I shut my mouth and shake my head.

"Lier," and with that she strikes my face again, "I will not tolerate such blatant lies I can see you like it, your eyes and body betray you. I'm going to have to punish you." With that she leans down and takes my nipple into her mouth and bites down. I grit my teeth and attempt to not cry out in pure pleasure Her teeth dig into my skin and she grinds them. My back arches at this and I feel her lips curl against my skin. She grazes her teeth across my hard bud as she pulls back. "I told you, you liked it."

"Fuck." I whimper. My tears have stopped and now I have to stifle the moans that want to escape my throat.

"What was that? I thought I told you no more talking? Do I have to gag you?" She asked lust pours from everything she does.

I shake my head furiously.

"Good."

With that she leans up my body and lays down on me and she moves her hands to my hair and eyes my neck. She drops her head and forcefully sucks on different spots on my neck . I fight to keep the moans from escaping. She bites hard near my pulse point; I twitch and tilt my head back. I can feel her smile. _She's on top of me, god, she's wet, I did this to her? I don't even know her? _I start to get antsy both of us are breathing ruggedly. _She's turning me on, but she's rapping me? It's not rape if I want it though. Do I want this? _The heat at my core is becoming more and more unbearable.

"You want me." She states.

I nod nonetheless. _What the fuck am I doing, this is rape! I don't want this! Who the fuck wants this, this is wrong I don't even know this person!_

She untangles a hand from my hair and ever so slowly runs it down my body. My body shudders and goosed bumps appear in the quake of her hand. She pulls my hair with her other hand as punishment for shuddering. I can't fight the fire that is burning within myself. I wait in anticipation; I don't have to wait long. She gets to my mound and she slides a finger across my folds. She hums on my neck when she realizes how wet I am. Then she roughly plunges three fingers into me. I gasp through clenched teeth.

"Fuck you're tight!" She starts pumping in and out of me roughly. My breathing becomes even more labored. I bight on my bottom lip to contain my moans. I can taste blood. My eyes shut in an attempt to help control the pain. _Fuck this really hurts…but I'm enjoying it?_

She doesn't care that I'm in pain. She can see me wince with each pump. I'm apparently not in enough pain for her. She slips another finger in and proceeds to pound my pussy up to her knuckles. Every few thrusts she curls her fingers inside me. There is nothing gentle about this, but it is turning me on to no end. I grind my hips the best I can in rhythm with her thrusts. _What is different about her that causes this to turn me on? I love what she is doing to my body, I can't get enough of this pleasuring pain. I should be terrified! I should not be enjoying this._

I keep my eyes shut tight in an attempt to hide. She can see that I'm getting very close to the edge, she stops her pumping and pulls out completely with a sickening sound of my cum sleeking against her fingers. My eyes fly open and land on her. She's got her face level with mine looking me directly in the eyes. _Those gorgeous hazel eyes._ She has her hands on either side of my head supporting herself over me. _Wow her body is truly amazing, even with the light sheen of sweat, I could get used to this!_ My body is shaking and I'm grinding on air in a desperate attempt to regain the friction, I give her a look of pure want. She lifts a hand that I'm sure is intended to strike my face, and I slam my eyes shut to prepare. The blow never comes, I open my eyes and I can't believe it. She has taken off the mask. _WHAT THE FUCK! SARA?_

"Tegan." I hear a murmur.

"Tegan!" I feel something hit me.

"Teeegggaaaaannnnnn!" Something is shaking my shoulders now. _What the fuck?_

"Tegan what the fuck are you doing? Get up! We have to leave for school soon," the covers are ripped off my body, reveling my hand in my boxer I'm suddenly wide awake, "oh, fucking shit Tegan, I'm sorry," Sara says dropping the covers and covering her eyes, "you need to get up." She blushes and hastily walks out of my room. Slamming the door slightly.

_Did I really just have a wet dream about my twin sister dominating me and wake up masturbating? More importantly, why did I enjoy it? What the fuck is wrong with me?_


	2. Knife Going In

Alright, I got enough feedback that I have decided to continue. This will most likely end up being a very long story. How long it is will be determined by the about of feedback I get. For reference, Tegan and Sara are teens still living at home. I have also decided to do the duel P.O.V.s.

I hope you enjoy this chapter but I'm going to warn you it may have some triggers so keep that in mind, I'm not sure when the next update will be, so be patient.

Review and Follow please.

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**Sara P.O.V.**

_What the fuck, why the hell was her hand in her boxers? Why couldn't I just mind my own damn business and just let her continue to whimper and moan? What was she dreaming about? But it was so loud I needed to do something about it and it's almost time for school. But how am I going to be able to look at her again? She's not making this easy for me is she? I feel kind of bad for slamming her door, oh well. _

I continue walking to my room; I don't want to talk to anyone at the moment. I need a few minutes alone before I have to go to school. I get to my room and shut my door then I go to my dresser. _What time is it? Only 7 am I don't have to be to school until 8:45, awesome I have some time; it is never too early to get stoned._ I open my sock drawer and reach underneath it and find my prize taped to the bottom. _Before I do this though I need to at least put on some clothing. _I go to my closet and pick out a Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. _Shirt down, pants to go. Damn it! I forgot to do my laundry; I have to do that when I get home, don't forget. Well these look decent. _I pick up a pair of blue jeans that are slightly dirty and they barely fit my small frame. _Maybe I should wear clothing that actually fits me? Nah, where is the fun in that? _I quickly get dressed and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth and make sure that my hair is not too messy. I look in the mirror and I look great. I bump into Tegan when I'm leaving.

"Sara… can we talk?" Tegan asks as I try to disappear before she speaks.

"There is nothing to talk about." With that I retreat down the hall before she can respond, no doubt leaving her standing dumbfounded watching me. I don't care though. _It's her business, it has nothing to do with me. Does it? Her voice suggested she needed to talk, no Sara, not your business. God I need to relax, where's my weed? That'll make everything more tolerable for the time being. _I get back into my room and shut the door, I can hear the faint hum of the shower. I go grab my lighter out of my desk and find my pipe under my bed, I lay back and light up. _That's it not a care in the world._

**Tegan P.O.V.**

_I just want to talk to her, I need to tell her about that dream. But if I do she'll never want to talk to me again! I won't tell her about it. I will just deal with it. But how? God I hate myself for this, that stupid dream! I can't get her perfect breasts out of my mind! I'm sure as hell not into incest! I've never thought of her like this before but now that's all I can think about, how it would feel to have her actually dominate me. Hell I've never thought about anyone like that. Why was she my first? Why am I crying, I don't care she won't talk to me. Where is my razor? _I turn on the water to the shower then walk to the bathroom cabinet and find my stash of hidden razor blades. I grab one. The tears are hot against my face. _I can't believe I'm about to do this, but I need to punish myself right? A normal person wouldn't even think of these things, much less want to act upon them._ I walk back to the shower, and I strip before I get in. The water is cold against my smooth skin. I make no attempt change the water temperature. _I deserve this. _I involuntarily shiver. I lay the razor on the soap ledge. I start washing my body and my hair. When I'm done with that I reach out for the razor. The metal is thin, but it can relieve so much pain. I look at the barely noticeable scars on my left wrist. I lift the razor and slowly slash a line into my wrist. _This hurts, but I need more, I deserve more._ I cry harder at that thought. I carve another two lines into my skin and watch as the scarlet droplets cascade down my hand and into the drain. _Still not enough-_ There is banging on the door.

"Tegan! Get your ass out of the shower or I'm leaving without you!" Sara yells.

"Fuck," I mumble, "I'll be out in a few minutes." I yell out. It took everything I had to keep from crying out the last part.

"Good."

_Fuck does she have to use that word?_ I have bigger issues though, my wrist is still bleeding and I have to get to my room. _Alright just get out wrap a towel around yourself and keep your wrist close to it and walk calmly. As if nothing has happened._ I do exactly that. I get out, hide my razor back in the cabinet and dry off and slowly open the door and look out. No one is out there. _Thank god! _As calmly as I can I retreat to my room keeping pressure on my wrist as best I can. I get in my room and shut the door and let the towel fall to the floor. The bleeding has stopped but I have no time to relish in that victory. I go to my closet and rummage around until I find a long sleeve button up and carefully pull it on. _Wow, this shirt actually fits. I should wear it more often. Now where are my jeans? Ah these are clean. _I pick up a pair of baggy jeans off the floor and look in the mirror on my closet door._ Perfect no one will ever notice. My hair's still wet, where's that towel? _I towel dry my hair and it's almost dry when mum knocks on my door.

"Tegan you need to get going. Sara already left. She seemed kind of out of it, you guys didn't get in a fight did you?" She asks from the hallway.

"Okay. No we didn't get into a fight. I'll make sure she's fine." I say with the most cheerful voice I can manage. I have no intent on checking on Sara. I walk out of my room and close the door and mum is still standing there.

"You okay hunny?" She asks worriedly.

"I'm fine mum. Just tired."

She eyes me, but accepts my excuse and walks away. I follow behind her until we make it down stairs. I go and grab my book bags and a granola bar from the kitchen. I head out the front door. It's a about a 20 minute walk to my high school that's about 10 blocks away. I eat my granola bar along the way. Usually it seems much shorter, of course then again I usually am walking with Sara.

**Sara P.O.V.**

I left Tegan. I just couldn't wait for her, and I really didn't want to see her anyway. Though when I was pounding on the door to try to get her to hurry up in the shower I couldn't help but hear what sounded like very hushed sobs. _Oh well, her problems not mine. _I'm just chilling in first period with my friend Emy. _I can't help but notice she kind of reminds me of Tegan. What the fuck Sara, why would you even think that?_

"You ready to sneak into that rave this weekend?" Emy's voice cut's through my thoughts.

"Oh…uh… yeah." I stumble over my words, I blame the weed.

"You okay Sar? You seem out of it." She asks putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Just had a rough morning, dipped into the weed that I'd been saving. I'm fine though." She gives me a worried look and pulls her hand away.

"Alright Sara, but if you need me, I'm here for you. You know that right."

I nod my head. The bell rings right as Tegan walks into the class room. _Why is she wearing a long sleeve shirt it's summer?_ I'm so glad this is the only class I have with her today. I don't need the distraction.

I avoid her all day. Even though I wasn't around her at all I couldn't help but think of her. I rush home after school I didn't want to wait for her. When I get home I go lay my book bag down in the kitchen._ I can do my homework in study hall. Besides mum won't be home for a while so I have time to kill and Tegan should be home soon and she'll do the exact same thing. _I walk to the cabinet and grab out a box of gold fish and pour some into a bowl and I take it up to my room. _Shit, do laundry. _I judge that I can do my laundry in a little while. Right now all I want to do is play some guitar, and as much as I want to get high, I'm saving the rest for this weekend. I enter my room and shut my door. I make my way over and pick up my well worn acoustic and bring it to my bed. I strum it once. _Perfectly in tune, wow, I love this guitar! _I place my hands in the ever so familiar chords and start strumming. Then I start to sing-

Here the lights fall just as hard

A bit softer in the stall

It's not really wrong-

_the front door slams shut._

It's not really right

I'm wide awake

She's upfront upshot

Upstart up in every case

The kind of girl that whispers

Thank god for you

Oh yeah all you got is me

Oh yeah all you need is me

Her confusion is in the night that I stumbled

It's in the morning that I that I struggled–

_I hear the hum of the shower. That must be Tegan._

Because I start to forget

But she will always remember

The kind of girl who laughs and says

Get up off your knees-

There is a loud sickening crash that comes from down the hall. _WHAT THE FUCK? _I jump up and quickly put my guitar safely on the stand and exit my room. I hurriedly walk down the hallway and stop outside of the only other closed door, the bathroom. I can hear stifled sobs. _Tegan, she's crying? I know she's the crier but what does she have to be crying about? I should just leave her alone, I don't want a repeat of this morning. _The sobs become a little louder. _Well fuck, I guess I should check on her, I may not want to see her but she is my sister and I need to make sure she's alright. _I hesitantly knock on the door.

"Tegan are you okay in there?" _Please don't say go away. Please don't say go away._

"Go away!" She screeches. Her sobs become more hysterical. _I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't leave her like this!_ I jiggle the doorknob but it is locked. I stand on my toes, reach to the top of the doorframe, and run my fingers on the lip searching for the key that I know is hidden there. I find it and pull it down. I jam it into the keyhole and unlock the door.

"Tegan I'm coming in." I state as I start pushing the door open.

"GO THE FUCK AWAY!" She yells. _You're yells, Tegan, may say 'go away' but you're sobs say 'help me'. That's what I'm going to_- I get into the room even though she is baring the door with her body in an attempt to keep me out-

"Oh my god Tegan! What the fuck did you do?" That's all I manage to say before I blacked out.


	3. Dark Come Soon

Apparently if I quit this fanfiction I will have a massive revolt on my hands so I come bearing gifts, in the form of another chapter. I just want to point out that each comment I get helps me decide in what direction I want to take this story. I have quite a few turns that I would like to take to get to my destination but I'm not opposed to detours along the way.

Also how would you feel if I killed off one of the main characters? Now that I have your attention, review and follow please. I'm kidding I'm not going to kill off any of the characters. But I got your attention. Hahaha! :D

Seriously people, your comments are what are driving me to update so often!

Trigger warning.

Follow and Review!

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**Tegan P.O.V.**

Sara avoided me all day, and it wasn't by my lack of trying to talk to her. I'm forced to walk home by myself._ I can't believe she ditched me again. That bitch! It isn't like she's never woken up with her hand in her boxers! Granted I've never woken her up and found her with her hand down there. Fuck this is embarrassing. Why did my dream have to be about her? Why did she have to be the one to wake me up? Why did her body have to so enticing? Why were her boobs so perfect? God, I'd kill to be able to just play with one! The way she fucked me…I could live with that for the rest of my life. The lust that filled her eyes, I bet that is exactly what her eyes would look like if I ever got her to actually fuck me! TEGAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING! What she's hot? BUT SHE'S YOUR SISTER! BUT SHE'S HOT! I JUST WANT TO FUCK HER! _At this thought, I realize how absolutely fucked up I am. I start to cry. I ditch my slow pace walking down the sidewalk. I break into a full on sprint and try to run off my thoughts. It is no use. I get in front of the house in no time. I pound my way down the driveway and reach the front porch. I throw open the door, throw my book bag down and slam the door shut. I race upstairs I can hear Sara playing the guitar in her room. She's playing All You Got, the song she wrote for her last girlfriend Christina. _I fucking hate that song! Am I really jealous that Sara wrote a song for her girlfriend? Oh fuck I am! _I rush into the bathroom as quietly as I can, I don't want Sara to hear what I'm about to the do. I walk in and lock the door. My cries are getting louder but are hushed by my attempts to muffle them. _Think Tegan what can you use to suppress your cries. Shower! _I turn on the shower and walk to the cabinet under the sink. I reach in and instantly feel the cold metal that I'm searching for. I grab it with my right hand as I hastily rip my shirt off with my left hand. I'm sobbing as hysterically as I dare without making much noise. With my shirt off and razor in hand I lift the blade up to the upper portion of my left arm, so that I can actually wear short sleeves seeing that it's almost summer and I slash 5 deep fast cuts in rapid secession. The razor slices and my blood spills and spews. It goes everywhere and shows no signs of stopping. _I could care less, I deserve this, I should not want my sister._ My eyes roll back into my head when I see what I did. I see a white light and the pain is searing. My knees buckle and I hit the floor_. I hope Sara was too engrossed in that song to hear that. _I make no attempt to stop the blood, like I said I just don't care. I shift the razor from my right hand to my left hand and start to carve my right shoulder just as I did my left except I do it slower, savoring the pain. I can barely see what I'm doing due to the abundance of tears that are clouding my sight. The sting only encourages me to cut deeper. I stifle a sob as the blade glides across my skin, I'm in the middle of my second line and I hear a knock at the door.

"Tegan are you okay in there?" Sara asks with a hint of concern, but mostly with frustration.

"Go away!" A booming sob racks my small frame with that statement. A few moments later I hear a click and the door knob turning.

"Tegan I'm coming in." _FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK! Oh fuck what is she going to do when she sees this. I can't possibly ever explain this to her! She would never look at again, she would never understand it._ I scoot my back against the door and lean on it the best I can to keep her out, but she's stronger than I am in my current state and the cold tile is wet from my blood and my tears mixing.

"Oh my god Tegan! What the fuck did you do?" Sara growls right before she blacks out. She lands on her face with a sickening thud at my feet in a small puddle of my blood on the cold tile. _Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh shit! Why can't Sara ever leave well enough alone! Why the hell did she think she needed to come in here and check on me. Fuck. Now I'm gonna have to explain this to her! _She knows that I have cut in the past, especially right before I came out. But then she knew what I was going through, she said she went through the same thing except she just wouldn't eat for days on end.I sit there sobbing I have no clue what to do. I'm too scared to do anything. _Oh fuck!_

**Sara P.O.V.**

_What happened? Why is my head throbbing? Why does my face hurt? _I lazily move my hand to my face. _Wait what is this? Why am I on the floor? Why is my hand wet? Wait Tegan! I have to get to Tegan. Blood. So much blood. _I slowly lift my hazy lids. I'm barely prepared for what I'm looking at. I'm laying face down in a pool of blood. _Is this mine? It can't be! _I hear sobs taking over Tegan as my hearing starts to return. I slowly turn my head to the right. The sight shocks me. If I wasn't already on the ground I would have collapsed again. Tegan has her eyes closed and is shirtless with gaping wounds on both her shoulders. All of the gashes are fairly deep and spilling her precious scarlet blood. It is everywhere. Tegan's chest raises and falls as she struggles to breath, she looks like she's about to have a panic attack. _Wow she has nice boobs! They are perfectly framed by her gray, bloodstained bra! Whoa she even has a faint outline of a six-pack! Wait no Sara, this is not the time for those thoughts! Come on Sara get over there and sooth her and stop the bleeding! You may not like to cuddle but she needs you now, more than ever. Do what you have to, to help her._ I give myself several more pep-talks before I am able to find the strength to crawl over to the towel rack and pull down some towels. I take the towels and crawl back to Tegan who is still bawling with her eyes shut and back against the door. She looks much paler than normal. I get beside her and gently drape the towel around her torso and arms. Her eyes flutter open and I see a look I have never seen before in her eyes; mortification. I sit slightly in front of her and off to one side. I grab one of her hands and she recoils but I hold fast. I rub reassuring circles on the back of her hand. _Damn she has soft hands!_

"Sara….I…..I…..I…I'm so sorry." She chokes barely above a whisper. Her voice is hoarse and raspy. _And sexy! _She looks everywhere but my eyes. I squeeze her hand to let her know everything is okay, that everything is going to be alright.

"Tegan….no…I'm sorry," I try to look her in the eyes, hell, just to get her to look at my face instead of the blood on the ground, "I shouldn't have blown you off and I should have talked to you." With that her eyes dart to look at my face to see if I'm being sincere. Her eyes grow wide.

"Fuck Sara….you broke your nose." She looks at my face worriedly.

"It doesn't hurt." That's a bold faced lie my face is throbbing and it feels like it is on fire. I notice that blood is starting to seep through the towel. _Oh fuck Tegan, why?_ I want to yell at her and tell her what a fucking idiot I think she is for doing this to herself. _She was there for me and helped me when I was starving myself, I can't be mad at her, I just have to support her. Why didn't I take all of her razors when I had the chance? Damn Sara! It kills me to see her like this! _"Tee, talk to me why did you do this?" I say as gently as I can and squeeze her hand.

"I can't….can-tell-you…." Her words slur and her head slumps forward. She passes out. _We finally get to talk and you pass out on me. Smooth Tegan. _With her passed out I slowly retract my hand from hers and crawl to the ledge of the counter and use it to hoist myself up. I look into the mirror that is situated behind the sink. I'm met with an unruly image. There is dried blood on my face and my nose is crooked. _Well fuck! I liked my face! _I hear a whimper from Tegan and I completely forget about my pain. I slowly walk to the shower and turn it off. I then make my way to another cabinet in the far corner of the small room, and find the First-Aid kit. I grab it and trudge back to the still knocked out Tegan. I kneel beside her and slowly peel the towel of her. The cuts are still bleeding but not as badly. I open the First-Aid kit and grab out a pack of alcohol wipes and open them. I pick up her left arm, it is cut more than her right.

"This is going to hurt, a lot." I murmur to Tegan, she's still out cold. I drag the wipe gently across the five fresh wounds and she winces. "I'm so sorry Tegan. I should have been there for you." I apply disinfectant to the gashes and use butterfly strips to close them up. They are still bleeding but just barely. I would love to wrap them but they are too high up to be wrapped properly. I find some gauze and medical tap and tape it over the wounds to give them another layer of support in case they open again. It will also keep her shirt from ripping the strips off. I gently lay her arm back in her lap. She may be unconscious but she still wears a pained expression. I shift my attention to her right arm. What appears to be the first gash worries me, it's really deep. "This one really needs stitches, but you'd kill me if I told anyone. I promise I'll do what I can to protect you." I feel stupid for talking to her when she can't hear me, but it brings me comfort. I do the exact same thing for her right arm as I did to her left. I stand up and leave her slumped against the door as I go to look and see what I can do about my nose. I look in the mirror and wash the dried blood off my face. _Fuck this is going to hurt!_ I lift my right hand, grab my nose, and twist sharply, I hear a pop and I'm blinded by tears. "FUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" I scream. When I remove my hand and gaze back into the mirror my nose is perfectly straight, the way it was this morning. _Damn I should be a doctor! Wait that means more school. Nevermind. _With my scream Tegan is roused from her sleep.

"What happened Sara?" She growls. She makes an attempt to stand up.

"Stay sitting Tee. You passed out, and I just set my nose. I'm okay though." I say through the tears running down my face and give a shaky smile. "You hang tight for a few minutes I'm gonna clean up this mess and then I'll help you to your room."

"Okay." Her head lolls back and I think she's going to pass out again but she doesn't. I take to cleaning up the bathroom. The fact that the room is tile makes for a quick clean up using the same bloody towel that I used to wrap Tegan in. The room is clean in a few minutes. I leave the bloody towel and Tegan's blood stained shirt in a pile by the door. I go over to Tegan and motion for her to sit forward and bend her knees up. She looks at me like I'm crazy. Regardless of her stare I kneel down, carefully drape her left arm over my shoulder and pick her up.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Never been better." She gives me a very weak version of her gummy smile.

She clings to me as I open the door and walk down to her room. _Why did she question me when I wanted to pick her up? What did she think I was going to do? Wow she's lighter than expected._ I reach her room and lay her on her bed. I go over to her dressed and grab out a pair of shorts and a huge short sleeve t-shirt. She's sitting on the edge of her bed watching me. I walk over and pull the shirt over her head and silently reach my hand underneath the shirt lightly tracing my fingers over her spine and reach to unclasp her bra. She shivers.

"Sara what the fuck are you doing?" She inquires coolly with a hint of bitterness pushing away slightly. _What the fuck Tegan, I'm doing what I can to help you!_

"It's got blood all over it. I was going to do some laundry tonight anyway, and I was going to add it to the load. I will also need your pants." I place in her lap the shorts that I retrieved for her.

Relief flashes over her eyes. "Okay." She murmurs. She lets me finish my actions and hands me her bra. I turn around to allow her some privacy as she replaces her dirty pants with the clean ones. She hands the dirty ones and I start to walk to the door.

"Try to take a nap, I'll check on you in a little while." I say as I turn around in the doorframe to look at her one last time before I shut the door. She's climbing into bed and she gives me a nod as I shut the door. I make my way to my room and strip off my own blood stained garments then grab all my dirty laundry that is piled up in my room. On my way to the laundry room I stop and collect the pile of bloody articles from the bathroom floor. _God, that's a lot of blood. I'm so sorry Tegan, I'll do whatever it takes to get you better. _I walk downstairs to the laundry room and start the wash. I take special care to ensure that I get the bloodstains out. I load the laundry and make my way back upstairs to check on Tegan. I crack open her door and notice she's in a restless sleep chewing relentlessly on her labret piercing. I let myself in and walk up to her. I lower my head and whisper to her, "tell me what I can do to make you better. I love you Tegan, I'll do anything. You're the world to me." _Dare I do it? _I hesitantly place a soft kiss on her lips and walk out of her room and silently shut her door.


	4. The Cure

I would like to thank all of you have read this so far. I hope you have been enjoying this. I'm sorry if I've disappointed any of you for the wait in between updates. This story is difficult for me not only because it is my first fanfiction but also because I don't have a set plot in my mind. I have general ideas. I'm letting this story be fluid and I'm going go with the flow. If you have any suggestions for it, or just want to give me some ideas, I am always more than happy to read what you have to say. In fact it is encouraged.

Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint. I swear I will get back to lovey-dovey stuff eventually. Don't worry.

Please review and follow, but most importantly enjoy!

Trigger Warning!

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**Tegan P.O.V.**

_I feel the blade slice through my flesh. Blood is everywhere. The door opens, Sara walks in. She passes out and breaks her nose on the floor. She wakes up and walks over to me she holds my hand. She wants to talk, I pass out. I hear a scream, I wake up, my arms are wrapped and I try to help her, to help Sara, my Sara. She tells me not to move, so I don't. She cleans up the bathroom and picks me up. She was so gentle and warm I just wanted to fall asleep in her arms. She dresses me, but runs her hands up my spine, leaving burning flesh in the wake. I push her away I was scared. She explains what she was doing, so I let her continue and before I know it she's gone._

I hear knocking on my door and I am roused from my very uncomfortable sleep. _Fuck what time is it?_ I turn on my side and look at my alarm clock it is four in the afternoon. _Fuck did I sleep all day? It's Saturday, Sara's supposed to go to a rave tonight. I guess that means I get to stay home with mum. _

"Tegan, can I come in?" Mum inquires, while slowly turning the doorknob letting herself in.

"Sure." I say slightly annoyed she walks right in without hearing my response. _What if Sara told her what I did? _She walks to my bed and sits on the edge. _God, what does she want?_

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm assuming you and Sara got in a fight yesterday after school. You broke her nose, her face is pretty banged up. She has a lovely bruise. She wouldn't tell me what happened, but I know it has something to do with you I just know it. Can you elaborate on what happened? Please?" She gives me a worried smile and brushes the bangs out of my face.

"Mum, I don't want to talk about it; it is between Sara and I." I gently swat her hand away from my face and flip over facing the wall trying desperately to hide the tears that are forming in my eyes. She lets out a frustrated sigh and stands up.

"Alright honey, just don't kill each other tonight. I'm leaving to go over to Bruce's. I probably will not be home tonight. Dinner is in the fridge, make sure you leave some for Sara." She walks out quietly shutting my door. I roll my eyes at the Bruce comment. She seems to really love him. Sometimes I'm so thankful she's a therapist and doesn't pressure Sara and I to talk to her. Though I really hate hiding things from her. _Well on the bright side I get the whole house to myself tonight._

**Sara P.O.V.**

"No Emy, I can't go tonight I'm sorry." _God, why won't she just accept I don't want to go tonight?_

"But Sara, we've been planning this for a while." Her voice rings through the phone dripping with frustration.

"I have to stay, I got into a fight of sorts with Tegan yesterday and now I have a broken nose. I don't feel like going out tonight. You go and have fun, I'll see you at school and explain more later. Just be safe." I try to convey that I really want her to go tonight, and that I don't want to talk about the fight.

"Aww Sara! Why didn't you just say that? I would be doing the exact same thing, you stay home. Have a good night. I'll try to be safe, no promises though. See you on Monday and I'm holding you to the story of what happened. Bye Sar." I can hear the sympathy in her voice.

"See ya Em." I hang up.

_Hmm what time is it? Six great. Dinner time. Mum's with Bruce. I've got the house to myself, wait no Tegan's here. I need to talk to her. Mum asked about my nose, she assumed it was Tegan, well, it was but it was my fault. It was best to not tell her Sara. You can fix Tegan, no need to concern mum. _With that, I remove myself from the comfy sofa in the living room and head into the kitchen. _Mum said there was food in the fridge. Let's see what she got us. Pizza great! _I pull out the box of pizza and set it on the counter. I walk over to the cabinets and get down two plates. I plop down two slices of cheese pizza on both plates. I heat them up in the microwave. While I wait for the beep, I put the rest of the pizza back into the fridge. I stand in the middle of the kitchen and just ponder what's going on in Tegan's head and how I'm going to approach her to get her to talk to me. The microwave beeps and I retrieve the dinners and I head upstairs. When I get to the hallway, I can hear the faint hum of Sponge's Molly coming from Tegan's room. I walk down the hall, stop in front of her door, and knock. I hear her rustling around, turning off the music and walking to the door. She opens the door, and looks like hell. Her hair is more disheveled than normal, even though it is short like mine. She is extremely pale. It worries me.

"Yeah, what do you want? Better yet why are you here, don't you have a rave to go too?" She sounds annoyed.

"I told Emy I didn't want to go. I brought you dinner." I say with a smile.

"Thanks." She mutters grabbing a plate and walking back over to her unmade bed. She sits down and moves her back up against the wall. She draws her knees up to her chest and uses them as a make shift table.

"Um…may I come in please?" I ask awkward. She nods. I walk in and shut the door. I shuffle over to the bed and sit at the end away from her cross-legged. She eyes me as she sits silently eating her pizza. I take a bite of my own. We both sit in silence and munch on our pizza. I finish before her, lay my plate on the floor and look around her room. She has some awesome band posters on her wall, Cindi Lauper, Corn, Sponge, and Smashing Pumpkins among others. She sighs and it brings me back to reality. She leans forward and puts her plate down on the nightstand. She curls back into her former position wrapping her arms around her legs and putting her head on her knees. I notice some relatively fresh cuts on her wrist. _They must be from yesterday, mystery of her wearing a long sleeve shirt-solved._ I sigh and get ready to speak.

"Tee, can we talk?" I ask as gently as I can. She nods but keeps her face in her knees. I know that must hurt her; those cuts were in precarious places. "Tee, may I….may I see them, please?" I see a ripple wash through her body. She makes no noise but slowly uncoils and removes her shirt. She puts her legs down. She sits there unmoving with her eyes averted chewing relentlessly on her labret. I have to keep the sob that is pushing to escape my throat repressed. One of her cuts had reopened at some point on her right shoulder. The gauze is completely bled through and there was a trail of scarlet marring her skin. "My god, Tegan, are you in pain?" _Wow stupid question Sara!_

"Yeah….a bit. Nothing I can't handle though." She hangs her head lower, but I can still see the wet marks that are forming in the bed as she silently crys.

"I'll be right back. Don't move." I don't wait for her response instead I rush out of her room and into the bathroom to collect the First-Aid kit. _Keep it together Sara. You can cry later, be strong for her, show her that nothing is wrong with her. Help save her like she saved you._

As I walk back to her room I can't help but think back to how she saved me. She had noticed I wasn't eating for days on end and that even my tightest jeans were too large for me. She caught me one afternoon in the bathroom throwing up instead of asking what I was doing she walked in and held my hair and rubbed my back until I was done. She then helped me back to my room and let me cry on her all night. All she did was lay with me and hold me all night. She asked me what was wrong, while her arms were wrapped around me. In her embrace, I felt safe so I let it out. I told her not to hate me that I was the same person I always was. She just held me and whispered 'no matter what I'll always be here, nothing can push me away.' I just came out and told her that I was gay. She said nothing just held me tighter and nodded. She held me until I couldn't sob anymore, she didn't have to say anything her understanding and being there for me was enough. Every time she caught me in the bathroom, she would help me to my room and hold me until I couldn't cry anymore. She helped me through the dark by being my light. I'm determined to be the same.

I walk back into the room to find her still perched on the bed with her legs out and head down, back resting against the wall. I walk into the room and shut the door again and set the kit down on the bed. I crawl onto her bed and scoot next to her on her right. I gently put my hand on her chin and lift her head so I could look at her eyes. She flinches and tears stream down her cheeks. _Her eyes look lifeless and it breaks my heart, I just want to take all her burdens and erase them. I want to help her in any way possible._

"Tee, may I please change these bandages and re-wrap them?" I try not to let my let my voice waiver. I give her a small smile. She nods her head. I remove my hand and place it on the smooth skin just beneath the red tape. _This isn't going to be pretty. _I carefully peel the tape and Tegan starts to squirm beside me and whimpers.

"I'm sorry Tee I'm trying to be as careful as I can. Just tell me if I need to stop." I glance at her and she nods. I continue my actions. I get all the tape off and remove the bloody gauze. It was worse than I ever thought it would be. Both cuts had festered up and had puss running out of them. I gasp. Tegan turns her head and looks at her arm before I am able to tell her not to. I didn't think it was possible for her to look whiter, but it was.

"Tee I know you don't want to see a doctor, so I'm not going to suggest it, but I'm not going to lie and say these aren't bad either. These are really bad. I know what needs to happen, but you're not going to like it. So I need to know do you trust me?" I needed to know, because what I would have to do next was going to hurt, but it would ensure that the infection wouldn't spread. She turns her head and gives me an honest look.

"Yeah, Sasa I….I trust you. Just don't tell me. Just do it."

With that I gently pull off the butterfly strips. Tegan winces every time one is removed. I reach down and search for the small bottle of 99% alcohol and gauze. I find them both and look up at Tegan. She can tell what I'm about to do, she knows it must be done, but the look of pure terror on her face nearly makes me stop what I'm doing.

"Tegan maybe you should lay down for this, I don't want you passing out."

"No, I'm fine. I refuse to pass out this time I deserve this."

"You don't deserve this Teegs. Why would you even say that?" _Why would she say that? No one deserves this!_

"I can't tell you. Can you please just continue?" Her bottom lip quivers and tears wash down her face and drip off her strong jaw line and onto her perfect chest. I pick up the supplies and brace myself for the screaming that is about to occur.

**Tegan P.O.V.**

_She's going to clean my wounds. Not just slap some disinfectant on them and call them done. She's going to clean them. This is going to hurt so fucking much. Just keep it together Tegan. You've kept it together so far with her this close to you, with her face inches from yours. You can do this. _

Sara goes to work on my arm. She takes dry gauze and wipes it over the gashes quickly. She's removing the puss and reopening the wound, apparently she didn't clean it well enough last night. I can't help but let the sob rush out my mouth.

"I'm sorry Tee. I gotta do this." Her voice is so soothing. It relaxes me somewhat. It can't take the sting out of my arm though. I shut my eyes and I can't help but to think back to the dream, when I got pleasure out of my pain. The bed shifts slightly but I keep my eyes shut I know what's coming next. She's leaning down to get the alcohol.

"Tegan open you're left hand and give me your right hand." I do as I'm told and take hold of her soft left hand. "Now Tee when I pour this I want you to squeeze my hand as tight as you can. I'm going to have to hand you the bottle to be able to rub in the alcohol so I don't spill much on your bed. You understand?" I nod my head and take a deep breath waiting for my torture to arrive.

The bed shifts again I feel the cold alcohol hitting my infected and hot skin. The burning sensation is almost unbearable. My chest feels like it is going to collapse from the pain. I squeeze Sara's hand and belt out a gut-wrenching screech. I can feel the dark coming for me but I fight it off. Sara thrust's the bottle into my unoccupied hand. I feel her reach for some gauze quickly and starting to rub the wound. My body starts to convulse I shiver and shake, my grip on Sara never loosening. I can't breathe she tenderly rubs the back of my hand.

"Tegan, Tegan breathe. I've got you. Breathe in and out, that's it." I can feel my body starting to go numb, but I can breathe better. A few more minutes of me on the verge of passing out ticks by but I hang in there. Sara stopped rubbing the alcohol in and is just sitting staring at me. My eyes may still be closed but I know she's looking at me.

"You done?" I whimper out.

"With this shoulder almost, but the other shoulder wasn't as bad. I don't think it is infected, but I could be wrong. Let me check before I re-wrap this one." The bed shifts and she removes her hand from mine. She gets up and sits down on my left side. I feel her hands on my shoulder removing the tape. My body is still numb so I don't feel the sting of it being carefully ripped off my flesh. The heat from her hand is removed from my body completely. I open my eyes and look at her the best I can through my blurry eyes. She's staring at my arm, her face is severely bruised from last night. Her look isn't as worried about this arm. She leans over me and grabs some fresh gauze, the disinfectant, and the tape.

"Your face hurt Sasa?" I inquire hoarsely.

"Just a bit, but not as much as it did yesterday before I set it." She gives me her own weak version of my gummy smile, a rare feat to get her to do that. She goes back to work applying the disinfectant and re-wrapping my arm. Her hands burn every spot that they touch, but I want them to touch what they can. She finishes with my left arm and moves back to my right. Carefully putting butterfly strips on it to insure it heals quickly. She re-wraps it with just as much care as she did my other arm.

"Alright you're all done. I'm going to go put this away. You need to rest." She gathers up the stuff and gets ready to leave.

"Sara wait. Will you come back after you put the stuff up?" She nods and leaves. I shift on the bed so I'm under the covers, I don't put on a shirt and I have on a bra so no big deal. Sara walks back into the room, but is hesitant when she sees how I've moved. I pat the bed beside me "Sara will you….um…please come lay with me until I….um I fall asleep?" She shuffles over to my bed and lays down beside me, but on the edge. _I am pathetic how can I even ask this of her?_ "Come closer…hold me?" To my surprise she not only shifts closer, but she nuzzles in between my left arm and my body turning on her side resting her head on my chest draping her right arm across my stomach and lazily tracing the faint outline of my six-pack abs. _Maybe I should act pathetic more often? _I quickly fall into a deep restful sleep using her rhythmic breathing to put me there.


	5. The First

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry for the late update, my life has been very interesting lately to say the least. Thanks for reading this so far, I wish y'all would leave more reviews, but don't worry about it I forgive you. A special thanks to everyone that has sent a PM telling me to get my lazy ass writing again. It didn't go unnoticed and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you.

I hope at some point I get you laughing a chuckle even, I'm trying to make the inner thoughts as funny as possible and keep it realistic. I'm not sure how your thoughts work, but mine are most always questions, so that is how I write the twins. Plus from the twins' stage banter I figure their maturity level is about on the same as mine in the jokes department. So look out for the 'that's what she said' jokes and anything that could be a misconstrued as sexual or perverted because most likely it's meant to be that way and taken in that form.

I'm always open for suggestions if you have any on how to possibly make it better/ more realistic.

One last thing if you haven't read any of **LikeOLikeH**'s stuff yet, let me point you in her direction, her stuff is awesome and I've had the joy of getting to know her and edit some of her stories. I highly suggest reading her stories!

Follow and Review please and thank you!

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**Sara P.O.V. **

_Why is it so warm in here? Wait is that flesh? No it can't be, can it? Where did I fall asleep? I have no clue where I am but it smells amazing, a hint of coconut. Tegan smells like coconut. Wait; why am I thinking about how Tegan smells? What's touching my head? Is someone tussling my hair? No, I'm in my bed no one would do that, would they? Nah, I bet Emy had a great time at the rave last night I bet she got so fucking wasted. Last night; Tegan. I hurt Tegan. How could I have done that? What is that noise? I'm trying to sleep god dammit! _

I slowly open my heavy lids and am woken to an amazing sight. My head is rested on someone's chest and their cleavage is at eye level, and whoever they are, they are scratching my head perfectly. _That is perfect, they are perfect! But whose are they? Resist the urge Sara, don't do it, don't reach out and touch them, they are not yours to play with! Fuck they are good with their hands-that's what she said. Wait what are they saying?_

"- and that's why I'm begging you, please don't hate me." _Wait I know that voice, Tegan. Well that explains the coconut! Oh shit…I think her boobs are gorgeous…well she does have an amazing body…you shouldn't be thinking about your TWIN this way! What is she mumbling on about? _I stay still and pretend the best I can that I'm still asleep in hope that she'll repeat herself. Even with my eyes only on boob level with her I can feel her struggling to suppress a sob. I can also hear the sincerity in her cracking voice. It breaks my heart. _What can I do to help?_

**Tegan P.O.V.**

"You'll never understand how much I love you, and how much I hate myself for it and why I've done what I've done. You'd never forgive me if I were to actually tell you half the things I've thought. You would never be able to comprehend what I'm dealing with, for fuck's sake, I probably would have killed myself the other day if it wasn't for you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done, I've hurt you due to my own inner struggles. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do, why the fuck does everything have to be so difficult…." My sobs overtake me. I keep them as muffled as possible in an attempt to keep Sara asleep where she is on my chest. I feel a little better now that I've told her everything, or at least told her body everything, because if I actually told her everything she would despise me. I keep playing with her hair, her silky short locks calm me.

"Tegan…why don't you just talk to me, chances are I will understand? No matter what I'll always be here, nothing can push me away." Sara pipes up as if she's choking on a sob. My hand freezes mid stroke.

_Oh fuck. Nice going Tegan, now try to explain this to her! Wait, did she just use the line that I used on her when she came out to me? Yeah she did. I can't tell her! She'll hate me! How the fuck am I supposed to tell her that I had a dream she was fucking my brains out and now that's all I think about? How I want her, how I love her more than I should? Oh fuck! I just had to talk to her while she was 'asleep' didn't I!_

"Sara…I….I…I can't….what did….did you hear?" I choke out. Sara slowly removes herself from my chest and sits up. I can tell she's crying even before I look at her face, her tears were dripping on my chest. She shifts so she's sitting beside me pleading with her brown orbs.

"You don't know what I'll understand or how unconditionally I will love you do you? It hurts me to see you in pain, but it hurts worse not understanding the reasons why you're hurting. I want to help you. I will do anything I can to help you. Please Tegan, as your sister I'm begging you to let me in, tell me what's wrong. I can promise you that nothing you say can hurt me or push me away." She tells me with an honest look. Sympathy flickers across her eyes too, just like in my dream. _How the fuck am I supposed to not tell her now?_

I shift so my bare back is against the cold wall facing her. I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them in an attempt to make myself as small as possible. I burry my faced in my knees, "you promise you won't hate me. If you do I understand. I give you full permission to beat me up, because it's sick….you'll never look at me the same again-"

"Tegan you're scaring me, just tell me." I can hear the desperate tone in her quavering voice.

"Do…do you…remember the…other day…when you…woke me up?" I can't help but silently sob out the sentence.

"Yeah, so what. That was just an embarrassing as hell moment for you, nothing to get so upset over. I mean I do it-"

"Sara stop." I can't take having the mental image of Sara getting herself off. _FUCK WHY IS SHE MAKING THS SO DIFFICULT!_

"I'm sorry please continue." She lays her hand on my head and gently pets me. My body involuntarily nuzzles into her hand. I can feel myself relaxing. _Maybe I can I actually tell her, maybe she won't hate me. Well here we go…_

"The dream…it was…it was about…it was…it was about…I was being….raped…strapped to a…bed…masked person… -"

"Take your time, don't rush." She keeps running her hand through my hair. Her cries seem to have died down.

"So scared…but not…I was…turned on…-"

"So what, it sounds hot!" _What the fuck Sara! How can you say that!_

"You won't…think that…because…masked person…the masked person…they were…they were…you. You...were the…masked person." Her hand stops all movements but lingers on my head.

**Sara P.O.V**

_I was the masked person? I was rapping her? That's very hot! This is as bad as it gets? Why was she so worried! It was just a dream! Nothing that hasn't happened to me before! But leave it to Tegan to make it into something so dramatic._

"So what Tee? It was just a dream." I resume petting her head and try not to chuckle at how dramatic she's being my sobs long gone. I blame my teenage boy like hormones.

"Sara…there's more…I um…I…I…I enjoyed it…and…it's all…I can think…about…you…on top of…me. Please…don't hate…me." She sobs uncontrollably at the end of her sentence and I'm barely able to make it out. It takes a moment for her words to sink in. _She wants me? _

I remove my hand from her head and lay back down on my side facing her like I was when I woke up. "Tegan come here." Tegan lift her head slowly just enough to see over her knees and looks at me with her bloodshot eyes.

"You're not…you're not disgusted?" She's a sniveling mess. _How can I be disgusted?_

"Come here." I state more firmly. She hesitantly removes herself from sitting with her back against the wall and instead lays on her side with her back against the wall. _Well at least she's on eye level. _"No silly, come here." I pat the bed beside me. She gives me a questioning look but does what she's told and lays beside me. She looks scared, and is still silently crying. I can tell she's not going to come any closer so I scoot the remaining inches until I am laying right beside her. I wiggle my way under her arm until I'm laying like I was before I was woken up. "No Tee I'm not disgusted." I kiss her chest. Her breathing immediately hitches.

"Sara what are you doing?" She slightly pushes me off. I nuzzle right back into her. She tries squirming away but I throw my leg over her hips and swiftly sit up straddling her.

"I am," I kiss the area above her left breast, "making you," I kiss the area above her right breast, "better," I lean up and press my lips passionately against hers. I move them slowly and at first she just lays their shocked, I'm about to pull away, thinking that I've gone too far when her lips start to move. I can't help but to smile into the kiss. I pull away and look into her eyes. She looks very confused. "Tegan…I figured out I was gay the same time that I figured out I that I felt more than sisterly love for you. I've been waiting ever since for you to figure it out."

**Tegan P.O.V.**

_What? What? WHAT? SARA IS ON TOP OF ME KISSING ME! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? KISS HER BACK DUMBASS! _I slowly start to kiss her back. She smiles into the kiss but then all too soon pulls away and traps me in her gaze, which has changed from a look of concern to a look of pure lust.

"Tegan…I figured out I was gay the same time that I figured out I that I felt more than sisterly love for you. I've been waiting ever since for you to figure it out." _WHAT SHE FEELS THE SAME? MY LIFE EQUALS MADE! _My hands develop a life of their own and end up on her hips and play with the hem of her shirt. Both of us' heart rates are beginning to go up. She shifts so her arms are on either side of my head and she leans back in for another kiss. This time I don't hesitate in kissing back. She licks my bottom lip begging for entrance. I greatly accept. She slowly pokes her tongue into my mouth, careful to first run it over my teeth before finding my tongue. I moan at the sensation of our tongues meeting for the first time. I love the taste that is Sara. I mean sure I've kissed guys and girls before, but none have been this passionate or this skilled. The guys generally would almost choke me to death with too much tongue, and the girls were generally to scared. _That's what I get for fooling around with straight girls. God this is amazing! Why was I scared? Oh shit, this is SARA, my TWIN SISTER! _At that I push her away. She gives me a confused look.

"You are my twin sister. We shouldn't be doing this no matter how much we want to." I hate myself right now, I want her, I want her so bad.

"I won't tell if you won't." Her voice is dripping with lust. She moves her hand and cups my cheek. "I've waited so long." She raises off of me and gives me an evil smirk before removing my hands from her hips and pulls her shirt over her head. _Holy Fuck, can you say MODEL? Her collar bones alone deserve a place in a magazine. She's hotter than in my dream. _"Please?" She leans back down and starts kissing me again. I place my hands back on her hips and lazily trace random patterns into her flesh. _Who am I to say no to that? _While she's kissing me I can feel her shifting and her hands moving to my sides running up and down them. My breathing picks up. Then her hands land on my bra. I squirm at the new sensation. She palms me through my bra and it sets my body on fire. She smiles into the kiss I take the opportunity to nip at her bottom lip. She gives me an approving moan.

With that, she starts to detach her lips from mine and move down my jaw to my neck, nipping and sucking the whole way to my collar bones. _Great I'm gonna have hickies to cover up, oh well who am I kidding this is fucking awesome._ She kisses to the beginning of my bra then licks across the edge of it from one side to the other. She pulls away and gives me a pleading look.

"May I?" She jesters to my bra.

"Only if I can?" I give her a smirk and raise my hands over her back to the back of her bra. She nods and I undo her bra, but I leave it there while I lift up on my elbows for her to undo mine. Her hands glide over my skin and undo my clasp. She pulls the material from my skin, careful to avoid hitting my covered wounds, but she's eager none the less to reveal her prize. I suppress a chuckle as watch her see me for the first time. She looks like a kid in a candy store for the first time that has been told he can have as much as he wants. Her eyes sparkle as she tentatively reaches her hand to massage my breast. I groan at the feeling, reaching up and pulling off her bra before I lay back down. _Fuck these are perfect. Size, shape, color-is there a perfect color? If there is she has it! _I reach up and knead hers. She moans. _Damn I'm good with my hands! _Then she suddenly leans back in and circles her tongue around my right breast while still kneading my left one, slowly circling in until she reaches my nipple and when she does, she sucks then nips then licks. She gives the same treatment to my left breast. It takes everything I have to resist flipping her and taking her. Nothing is stopping me, but I think she wants this more than I do at the moment, and I sure as hell ain't complaining.

My chest is heaving by the time she removes her mouth from my chest and moves back to my lips. I feel her right hand snake down my torso to my waist band. She takes the material and lifts is and then releases it causing it to snap against my skin.

"Can I?" She asks while taking my bottom lip into her mouth and gently biting on it. I nod. Her hand runs under my waistband and over my boxers. "Fuck you're wet!" She says while cupping me through my boxers. She runs her middle finger up my slit then rubs my clit. I can't help but to shake, it feels so fucking good. "You like that?" I moan and nod as a response. Sara proceeds to press her finger into me as far as she can with the boxers acting as a roadblock. It isn't far. I wouldn't even consider it penetration. _Fuck, I should probably mention to her that I'm still a virgin…_ I push her away slightly. She gives me a concerned look and removes her hand completely. I groan at the loss of pressure

"Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I didn't mean-" She stammers out.

"No you didn't…it's just…I'm…I'm…I'm a virgin." I feel so stupid for having to say that. She gives me a surprised look.

"Oh Tee, I promise we'll take this at your pace. You're in charge. Anything you say goes. May I?" I nod and she places her hand back at my waistband and resumes kissing me. This time though she reaches underneath my boxers. She moves her hand down and cups me again. I moan. She slides her fingers down and places them at my entrance, she pulls away from the kiss and gives me a questioning look. I nod and she watches my face for any sign of my discomfort as she slowly pushes one digit into me. My eyes snap closed and I can't stop the moan that escapes me.

Then there is a bang. "Tegan, Sara, I'm home, don't tell me all you two have done is sleep all day!" Mum yells as she shuts the front door.

_Well Fuck!_


	6. This Is Everything

Sorry guys that this is so short, but it's better than nothing right? Guys I'm sorry it has been so long. A lot of shit has gone down since I last updated. I hope this makes up for the lack of updates. I'm sorry about that. Oh and check out my tumblr **igotacureforyourcrimes**._  
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**Sara P.O.V**

_Well fuck! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! What do we do? What do I do? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!_

"Tegan I'm so sorry." I say as I quickly pull out of her, to the sound of a disappointed groan. I frantically search for my clothing. Just grabbing what I can. Tegan just sits in her bed petrified. "Tegan I hate to be like this, but fucking do something! Don't just sit there!" I whisper yell at her. It is as if something goes off in her head and she magically begins to move, searching for her clothing. I can hear our mom climbing the stairs, I know I wont make it to my room in time for it not to seem suspicious. So I throw on my clothing and think of something that would make mum believe we weren't doing anything. I have my clothing on and Tegan is just about done putting on some pants as I hear our mom open my bedroom door down the hall. I run and grab her guitar and hand it to her, "fuck, Tegan play your guitar." She starts strumming a song as I quickly sit on the floor and watch her, we are both breathing heavily and are trying not to show it.

This is how our mom finds us. Me sitting cross-legged on the floor staring at a slightly winded Tegan who has her eyes closed strumming her guitar.

"Hey girls. What're you doing?" She asks us as if there was something wrong with the scene in front of her.

"Nothing mum." I say turning around slightly from my seated position. Tegan stops playing her guitar and looks up.

"Oh hey mum. How were things with Bruce?" Tegan asks, she really doesn't care though.

"Fine, honey. What were you playing, it sounded nice." She responds.

"Oh um, I was just fiddling with some chords and Sara came in and was helping with some lyrics." _Fuck Tegan, drag me into this why don'tcha?_ "Weren't ya Sara?"

"Yeah just helping her with some lyrics mum." I shoot a glare in Tegan's direction, but I keep my tone cheery. I swear she reads my mind sometimes.

"Oh alright, well when you guys are done with it I want to hear it!" Mum quips as she turns to leave shutting the door behind her. My head immediately whips to Tegan, who places her guitar down and falls back onto the bed.

"Holy fuck. That was too close." She grumbles. I get up from the floor and walk over to her sitting beside her.

"I know Tee, but it's okay. She suspected nothing. Now we get to write a song together though!" I smirk slightly. I can't wait to write a song with Tegan!

"Yeah fun. A song. Lucky us." She says as if she's about to cry.

"Hey, you, no crying. Please. What's wrong?" I frantically try to get her to talk.

"It's just we just about got caught! How the fuck is this supposed to work? How can this ever be right-" I cut off her rambling by cupping her jaw and kissing her passionately. I pull away after a few seconds and look her in the eye.

"Now that I have you, I will not let anything happen to you. Anything. I have waited so long for you, nothing will come between us now. Yes, we will have to hide, yes, it will be difficult, yes, we will have to pretend to not be in love. But I promise this, I wont go my whole life without you; I can't and I will do what I can to lessen all the stress that will come from this. It will not be easy, but as long as you're by my side I know it will be more than worth it. I promise that if there is any blow back from this, I will take all the heat. You don't have to worry about a thing. I've got you and you've got me and Tee, that's all we need." I say this with as much honesty and vulnerability I can. I need to make her to remember this when things get bad, and to know that I am completely serious. I know she knows how serious I am when she rolls on top of me and kisses me with so much passion I think I might drown.

**Tegan P.O.V.**

_Sara knows how to get to me. She really knows. She just said all the right things. How can I ever function without her? How did I ever function without her here with me?_ I slowly pull away tears are still lightly dripping down my face onto Sara's.

"You promise Sara? You promise this won't break us?" I need to know, call me insecure, but I just need the reassurance.

"Tegan, I can't say that it will not be difficult, but with everything that I am I promise I will do what I can to protect you. If we fall, I will catch you, you don't have to worry about hitting the ground. Nothing will hurt you ever again. If it does, I will be your knight in shining armor and kill it all away." Sara says all this with so much honesty I can't help but fall even more for her, I don't know how that is possible but I do.

"I want," kisses her left cheek, "you so much," kisses her right cheek, "right now." I throw every emotion I can into the kiss. I let her feel everything, from my deep seeded lust to my unwavering passion to my complete vulnerability. I let her feel it all. As I slide my tongue across her bottom lip begging for entrance and our tongues entwine in a heart throbbing embrace, I know deep down she will never do anything to purposely hurt me. I let her know I know this. I let her have my heart, knowing she will protect it with all she is. I let her have me all. All the air seems to disappear, and Sara slowly pulls away, panting for breath.

"Later Tee, not while mums home." My heart sinks at this, but I know she's right. She must catch on to my slightly disappointed mood. "But Tegan," she grabs my collar and looks me deeply in the eyes, "will you be my girlfriend?"


End file.
